Thursday, January 27, 2011

C'est la vie GP!

And here I was thinking that just because I'd upped my olive oil intake and committed to monthly bikini waxes I was on par with a french woman's beauty regime. Thank God I opened my Goop newsletter today so I could see how wrong I've been. GP took great care to boast about all the fancy french pharmacy essentials she loves to pick up when she's in Gay Paree. And by the length of the list, it looks like she's gettin' gay a lot. The whole newsletter was quite bittersweet.... Until now I didn't even know that these fanatic products existed or how life changing they could be. To bad it takes the Transatlantic flight to purchase them. Here's what's missing from my vanity table (also something I apparently need to buy):

Avene Eau Thermale Water Spray. GP says it "helps set makeup." I've been wearing makeup for over 15 years and have yet to ever set it with water. The only time my makeup and water mix is when I'm washing my face off. Am I missing some huge secret of the universe that pretty girls smugly keep to themselves?! I guess this means my make up will for ever be unsettled. It's not that surprising.

Decleor Aromessence Baume Spa Relax- Apparently it helps GP sleep. I'd sleep well too, secure in the fact that I was rich enough to afford $55 an ounce skin cream. Or maybe I would just be lulled to dreamland by the knowledge that I was hot enough to be sharing a bed with a rock star.

Alfalux Baume Levres- I really have no idea what this is. Not only is this product not linked to a web page (like ALL the others were), the only description GP gives is "I always pick this up at the pharmacy when in France. It has an incredibly silky texture." WHAT? How do you endorse something and then not endorse it at all? Am I just supposed to be so international that I'm already in the know? I'm not!!! GP, I have the beginnings of crow feet and eat gluten every day. You are supposed to be helping us ugly American gals, not taunting us with your silky secrets!

Somewhere GP is laughing menacingly while she coats her toned body in "huile."


  1. GP is out of touch with the average, middle-class working American. As a mother, how can one justify the amount of $ these products cost to be spending that on ones self. You can't. I have unsubscribed from her newsletter.
    Working teacher, KLEE

  2. that last one is lip balm.

    man, this lady makes me want to punch things!

  3. baume lèvres = lip balm. Most the products she showed are cheap.

  4. Sprays like Avene Eau Thermale are used after setting powder to get rid of excess powder and remove any chalkiness. I don't know why she didn't share that info. Joke's on her; who wears setting powder anyway?