Thursday, December 16, 2010

Peek-a-boo I'm through

You guys, I'm not sure if I want to be a girl anymore. And I'm not saying that because I have a bad case of PMS or something. It's just... I'm really worried where we as a sex are headed when it comes to fashion.

Remember when Gretchen Jones won Project Runway and she wore this?

At the time I recall registering that what she was wearing was bananas but I was so shocked and appalled that Mondo lost, I didn't let the gravity of what was happening really sink in.

Until I saw this on Monday.
And I realized it's like, a thing. 'Cause if Sweatercups is wearing it, you know the rest of us are soon to follow. And then suddenly we'll be on the Topshop website converting pounds to dollars and wondering, "could I really pull off sparkly hotpants with a mesh overlay?"
And gals, that is a question that most men have never had to ask themselves.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The end is near

First it was glamping.

Then it was jeggings.

And now there are glittens.

Friends, I give up.

Friday, December 3, 2010

A little trip down memory lane

The other week I went to a party at my friends house in Mt. Washington. As I drove up the hill on San Rafael Drive I had a major case of déjà vu. Except then I realized it was real because for a brief two years of my life from age 4-6, I lived on that street!!! It was the first house my parents ever bought.

My memories are vague. I have a few photos of the front but the only details that really stick out in my mind was that our next door neighbor had 15 dogs and there was an amazing play house in the backyard that I loved. Not surprisingly neither of these facts helped me locate the residence twenty five years later.

I mentioned this discovery to both of my parents hoping that at least one of them would be able to recall the address of our first home. Sadly both have about the same lack of memory as I do. Neither could even tell me a cross street. I was disappointed but let it go... because I'm an adult and that is what adults do. They move on. (Pun intended.) That is until I saw this video from Young House Love:

Remembering Clara's First House from Young House Love on Vimeo.

How freakin' cute/sweet is that? Now I know it's irrational to wish my parents had made a movie about the memories of every room of that first house of ours. I'm not stupid, I know making films now is much easier than it was in the 80's. But you guys, my parents met as filmmakers! They lived in Los Angeles and were film editors by trade! Not only did they never take the initiative to thoroughly document our home for me (and the whole Internet) to see, now they can't even be bothered to remember the darn address??!!! Really, is the address really too much to ask?! It's not like I'm crazy and resenting them for not documenting every week of my life like these perfect parents! Why do baby Clara's parents love her more than mine do?

Clara's Weekly Photo from Young House Love on Vimeo.

Just FYI, if anyone would like to wish me a happy 1,578th week of life, it would really make my day.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Post Thanksgiving Pooch

Last night I ate dinner with my mother at Hipster Paradise aka Pho Cafe in Silverlake. And while eating out anywhere with the woman who produced me can be embarrassing, last night I felt a little cringe worthy as well. I blame the bright red Banana Republic sweater I was wearing and the dinner roll I was carrying around my midsection. How can I be eastside cool after spending 6 days in Denver eating Pub Mix, seeing PG 13 movies with teenagers (Morning Glory!, Harry Potter!!) and playing endless games of Dora the Explorer with a three year old? It was culture shock indeed. But you know what might get me back into Los Angeles starvation diet mode? Giving up the large bowls of noodles and the continual perusal of this blog.

Quick someone hand me a Kombucha.
Or meet me for coffee and American Spirits at Intelligentsia.

Or play some bootleg Thom Yorke while we stare at candles.

Hell, can you at least have the decency to mistakenly offer me a twenty for a handjob outside of 4100?With your help and hers, I know I can do this city proud.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Shot through the heart and they're to blame...

I remember back in college I had a girlfriend who moved in with her rich, handsome and slightly older bf. Their place was beautiful; crown molding, high ceilings and hard wood floors. She was the first of my friends to shack up and I was in awe of her domestic bliss. I also embarrassed to remember being totally obsessed with the photos they had of themselves that decorated the place. Many were framed and black and white. Some looked post coital. In each they both looked gorgeous, happy and so freaking in love. I vowed then and there that some day I too would find a boyfriend (who was tall enough for me to date), and who would also make me look like a fucking supermodel in photos that featured us kissing.

10 years later, I'm sad to report that while I found the tall men, I never got the photos. And even though now I know it's kind of gouache and regular dudes don't want to take these photos, I still secretly wish I could find lover who longed to make out with me on camera. This coupled with my more than an ironic love for Lifetime movies and my obsession with cheap Chardonnay proves that there are large parts to my womanhood that I'm just not proud of.

With all that noted, I'm sure you can understand why these photos affected me so deeply.

This couple doesn't even care that there's a wedding going on around them, their urge to kiss is too great! Help, I'm being reduced back to my 20 year old self.

I'm trying to be rational and tell myself these are not normal "first look" photos. I've think been a part of enough weddings to know that most people do not look this blissful/relaxed a half hour before the nuptials, right? But honestly, are these two going to consummate their nuptials BEFORE the ceremony?

I hate them for looking so blissfully happy but am also impressed that their love is somehow strong enough to absorb any stress that other less in love people might have been feeling just moments before the big event.

Or maybe this guy is a photographic genius. I just can't tell any more. You guys, am I crazy to still be envious of photos like these or are they too much? Please advise.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

We're in good company-

Joan Didion is also uncomfortable by all the blogging that's going on in the world right now. And before you get all impressed with my hip 70's author reference, in full disclosure I admit that my very well read friend Erin A. actually sent me the link to this article. I myself have only read one Joan Didion book (Play It as It Lays) and would never be cool enough to have come across this myself.

Now let's all turn off our computers, climb into our cars and just drive until the freeway stops. I'll pack the Coke.

Monday, November 15, 2010

An open letter to a little princess

Dear The Only Fashion Princess,

I'd like to say upfront I think you're super cute. You remind me of young Fiona Apple and I like that you often smile in your photos, Ol' Sweatercups could take a note from you (we can both agree that today's tutu was bananas, right?). Even though you maybe have chosen the silliest name ever for your blog, I forgive you because you are only 17 and from the Netherlands and maybe something got lost in the translation. What I'm trying to say is that I like you. I like your blog. And it's with love that I write you this letter.

Girlfriend, we need to have a talk. The other day you posted this picture on your blog with this short snippet. "très chic. Do I have to say more?"
(from fashionising)

Yes. Yes, you do. Honey, you just posted a picture of a woman wearing the Bride of Frankenstein's leopard power suite mixed with Price Charming's (the Cinderella one) shoulder pads.

And I haven't even gotten to the fringe! Maybe it's our age difference, but foot long arm fringe that resembles a horse's mane is not what pops into my mind whenever someone says "tres chic." I reserve that for gals like Jackie Kennedy, Audrey Hepburn or hell even Katie Holmes on a good day. In my mind almost anyone is tres chic-er than your leathery Brigitta with her thick gold chain and a bad spray tan. Next time add a few more sentences. State your thesis and then prove it. I'm really interested to hear why you think this is stylin' because right now I'm overwhelmed with all the comments on your blog telling you that they agree. HOW DO THY AGREE WITH YOU? Why is no one explaining this to me? Am I that out of touch with your generation?! Is this like how my mother doesn't understand Facebook? Am I old enough to be your MOTHER?

I'm sorry. Maybe this is more about me than you, I promise to settle down if you promise to go back to being a sweet little Criminal who Shadowboxes. Oh and congrats on finding that perfect silver blazer that you'd been looking for. I'm really proud of you.

Your pal Hal

Friday, November 12, 2010

Can I be a Mrs. today?

OK I have a confession. I want to be a Mrs. Not because I am in love or entering the last decade in my life where it's safe to have babies. Nope, I want to be fabulous and married because of this blog. I"ll admit, I really don't even understand the point of Mrs. Lilien's epic collages besides making us mortals feel incredibly dowdy and un-fabulous. Everything she posts is an array of vintage inspired, perfectly lux, and totally chic. Her images are complete throw backs to the 50's and 60's and make me want to burn my denim collection and only wear A line dresses and pearls. It also reminds me of the time in college when I tried to work "swell" into my daily vocabulary until my roommate told me I sounded like an asshole. I still mourn for that word.

Here's just a smattering of what I can't stop thinking about:

Mrs. Sunday- because how fabulous would life be if you actually read the paper with a monocle? Or even still read the paper?

And what if the the only thing you worried about when giving presents was how perfectly it represented the receiver. Not how much it cost? Life is grand when you don't have a budget and a house with a gift closet!
And how great would you feel about yourself if you ever looked this fabulous (and happy) while grocery shopping? Weeee balsamic vinegar! Life is grand!

Did I mention all of her descriptions rhyme? Seriously, it's so intimidating.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Driven to drink

Remember Kath, the nutritional yeast loving "dietitian" that started it all? Well I didn't think her blog could make me feel any worse about myself and my frozen yogurt for dinner habit until I read this post. Kath is currently vacationing in Sonoma but instead of blogging about all the wine she's drinking (what I/most plebeians would have done), she's declard this as her "drink of the week:"
Cafe au Lait!!!! I myself would have picked something from the Chardonnay family, but I think by now we all know that Kath and I are not cut from the same cloth. To add insult to injury Kath also posted photos of the herself after the 4.3 mile run she took. And look how self satisfied she looks:

When I go wine tasting, it looks more like this:

Note that while I too look smug, I also appear to be cockeyed. I guess that because when in wine country I aim to over-consume wine. Call me an alcoholic.

I really took this last photo from her post personally. It's like she's boasting her piousness and sobriety in front of me while I dry heave into the toilet.

Kath! I get it! You're healthier/better/less drunk than me. But for the love of God, get off that stump and start swinging some Pinot!

Now can someone hold my hair?

Monday, November 8, 2010

Scary new dating trends

You know what's worse than being single for the first time in 6 1/2 years? Reading about a beautiful happy couple and their ability to dedicate a whole weekend to each other and Bah Mi. So you can understand why I visibly flinched when I came across this blog today. Not only is Liz pretty enough to pull off a Native American blanket/sequin mini combo, she also just "dedicated another weekend to searching out new eateries around the city." Just her, that sweater, her man and some baklava.

Can someone tell me why more and more guys seem quite happy to spend the weekend taking pictures of their pretty girlfriends with fashion blogs? Is this a thing I missed by not being on the dating scene for a while? At what point in the courtship does a gal say, "Honey, this weekend we'll go for walk, grab a glass of wine and then take 300 fashion street shots of me in my Marni?" Or is more of a bargaining technique? "Yes babe, I will go see Jackass 3D with you but only if you shoot this vintage inspired pictorial first." How do these girls find boyfriends who happen to be skilled photographers? Is there a box to check for it on Match? A board on Craigslist? Does he pick her up at the Barney's sample sale? How do these soul mates meet?!!!

Being single is weird.

Friday, October 22, 2010

PSA Friday: Vintage is a gateway drug

It's like they taught us in D.A.R.E., once you experience high of a super edgy fashion shoot for your blog, you'll keep trying to get it back for the rest of your life.

It starts with a cheeky little vintage dress.

Then you start experimenting with the "harder" stuff aka artsy black and white shots

Suddenly you're doing things that you swore you'd never do, you're throwing on leopard ears like it's no big thing.

And the next thing you know your family is planning an intervention because you are the fashion blog girl with antlers on her head.

The more you know.

All photos are of the very gorgeous Shareen from Vintage Mavens.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

These young girls on the Youtube

You guys, it's official, I'm old. No, I haven't poured over my crows feet in a magnified mirror, nor have the bf and I gone on another marathon gray hair plucking binge... I simply watched some very popular Youtube vloggers and now I have a migraine.

This was originally going to be a sassy little post about how these fashion vloggers success is simply a reaction to their undeniable attractiveness combined with extreme amounts of sparkly eye shadow that blinds viewers into a catatonic state. Once zombiefied, viewers can do nothing but continue to click on video after video. Haha! Zombies! I was so proud of myself for being that timely and topical in late October! But then it really happened. To me. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Friends, I hate ask this of you but I need to know if I really discovered a major affliction facing today's youth . We owe it to the medical community to test my theory out. I'm not even going to show you a bunch of the vloggers, just one of the biggest and prettiest; otherjuicystar07 . Keep in mind her videos have been viewed over 90 million times. Did I mention she's only like 17? And most of her fans are much, much younger?

We'll start off with an easy one:

You know now that I think of it, the fuzz in my brain might be from her voice and how quickly she can prattle on about things. FYI this next one has her older sister who is also a vlogger. They have recently moved to LA, because they are now "celebrities."

Deep breath in and press play.

Are you still with us? Yes? OK this last one might hurt a little, but if you don't fuss, the nurse will let you choose a toy from the prize bin when it's over:

I'm not even sure why I'm bothering to write anything down here. You're probably slack jawed and drooling out of the side of your mouth, fighting the urge to steal your Dad's credit card and go shopping at Forever 21. The only antidote I've found for this terrible condition is: 1.)Step away from the computer. 2.)Pour yourself a cup of red rooibos tea. 3.)Stare intensely at a copy of Martha Stewart Living- preferably one with pretty pictures of her chickens and/or kale.

See I told you I'm old.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I hate to admit this...

But last night I had a nightmare about my wedding. In it, my ceremony was piggybacking on another friend's. Literally people were sticking around in the pews as if it were a double feature at the movies, two for the price of one. I may have also been recycling her bridal party. Somehow I had a dress (which was white and black striped?) but other than that my boyfriend and I were totally unprepared. We hadn't had a rehearsal dinner, there was no one to do my hair, and my bouquet kept wilting/disappearing. I kept asking myself, "Why did we spend Sunday watching all of our DVR'd Dexters??! We should have been writing our vows!!!!"

Now this kind of subconscious freak out might be normal if I was engaged and in the trenches of wedding planning but I'm not. I am however, obsessively addicted to the blog Green Wedding Shoes.

It's pictures like this that make me sad because nothing in my life will ever be so quaint/cute/well thought out. It's hard to admit but I just don't think I'm the kind of girl who looks at an old rusted saltine can and thinks, "What a fetching vase!"

Or, "You know what this reception needs? Flags."

Or, "Even though my bridesmaids are all wearing their own dresses, with my sassy styling they'll still magically coordinate with the ring bearer! And each other! And me!"

PS- As if these pictures didn't make me crazy jealous enough, there's also a video. This one so hipster/cool and full of sweet jams that it hurts, really, really bad. And I watched the whole thing. Twice.

Sarah & Kyle from sweetTea media on Vimeo.

I might have a problem.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Everything is fabulous when you're French!

Ok so if you're cutting yourself looking at SweaterCups, you're probably going to pour acid in your face when you see The Cherry Blossom Girl aka CheBleu. Not only is everything she wears big league designers (YSL, Mar Jacobs, Chanel), she also lives in Paris and is only "just out of fashion school." When I graduated college I wore black polyester pants and worked at CPK, but this isn't about me.

CheBleu called this photo shoot "I'll be your mirror."

Oh mon petite chou, how I wish you could be. But alas, when I gaze into my reflection I am reminded that the front of my head has a colic that keeps me from possessing such fabulous, thick bangs. And that Muleberry bag, while totally on trend, costs more than I (and most of my friends) make in a month. But thanks for letting me gaze longingly at you.

This is from " Weekend in Scotland."

When I traveled to Scotland I drank too many pints and snogged guys who's brogue I couldn't understand. While most of the pictures I took were of the morning after pills they sold in bar bathrooms, I did manage to take a few of the castle and some other old stuff. Not our girl CheBleu, the only pictures she took were herself. And fauna?

and a squirrel.

If only Rosetta stone offered courses for people who want to learn how to speak French and become beautifully self involved.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Just a typical lunch on the run!

I told a few friends about this new blog idea of mine and asked them to send me the blogs they can't stop compulsively reading while also battling suicidal thoughts. The response was unanimous: Cupcakes and Cashmere. After perusing the blog, I have no idea what they are being so insecure about. This outfit is totally like the yoga pants and hoodie sweatshirt I wear when I pop out of my house for lunch...

Except I don't even do that because I work from home, have very few actual designers duds and am constantly broke.

I feel like I could write tombs about Emily from Cupcakes. While her pictures are like mouthfuls of frosting for my brain, when you stop and think about it her blog is really kind of weird. Her days must revolve around waking up, styling her "beachy waves" and deciding what designer shirt goes with which forever 21 headband. Then she has to scout a location and do a photo shoot with her boyfriend. "Darling, I know you are swamped at work but today's cloud cover goes perfectly with my Elizabeth and James tunic. I'll need you to meet me in front of Tom's Burgers. No time for lunch but you can sustain yourself with the satisfaction that your woman can wear muppet fringe with a straight face. We're so in love! Get a close up of my crotch!!!"

Or maybe he's happy to oblige her with photos because he is smug that he landed the one girl in America who somehow looks cute ALL OF THE TIME. Like even on a moving day!

I wish I had a photo of myself to compare and contrast except I don't because I am a sweaty, dirty mess when I move. NO ONE (especially not my boyfriend) would be even remotely tempted to photograph me in that state. And that's why thanks to good ol' SweaterCups, the next time I'm cleaning my house, I vow to dust while wearing lipstick and a bumpit.

Or maybe I should just vow to dust.

Friday, October 15, 2010

It started with a salad....

Thanks to a new article in Marie Claire about food bloggers, I was introduced to the "Big Six." Six female food bloggers who spend everyday chronicling what they ate and how much running/yoga/spinning they did to burn it off. And oh yeah, they get have millions of followers commenting on their every post. What?! I was just getting used to reading (and feeling bad about) fashion blogs! Now I have to look longingly at the perfect hummus and nutritional yeast salad that some skinny girl who just took a BodyPump class ate? I should be eating that salad! I need to take that class!! And I definitely want to feel smug and content that I finished off my meal with fresh orange slices (instead of the orange gummy pumpkins I actually ate)!!!

Her vs. Me

Even the lighting in her photos is better! You can see how a gal can start feeling insecure. So, blond, toned, oatmeal eating Kath of - can I be you today? I promise to only pour organic rice milk into my french pressed tea while I munch on my properly proportioned snack of 7 raw almonds.

And then can you pretty please tell me what the hell "nutritional yeast" is? Thanks.