Today on Twitter, Whitney Port asked me (and her 654,067 other followers) what we thought of her "festival style." It was lunch time and I was bored. I clicked on the link ready for some glossy gloss. But then my stomach dropped. How had I not realized this? Coachella. Is. Here.
Every year around this time, I find myself out to brunch in Silverlake wondering why I didn't have to wait for a table at 11:15 am. Then I realize it's because half the city has made the epic trek to desert.
(Secret: I've never been to Coachella. I know it's crazy. I'm like those girls who thought saving their virginity for marriage was a good idea. In college it made them different, something to flirt with guys about at parties. But the older they get, the weirder it becomes. Suddenly, they're 35 and have missed out on this HUGE aspect of life and guys are now scared to date them because they don't want the pressure of being the "first.")
Anyway, after my quiet brunch, I inevitably logon to Facebook and spend the rest of the weekend looking at "artistic" pictures of my extended acquaintances dressed up like sweaty (albeit attractive) hipster assholes.
I wish I could eloquently express why Whitney Port's Coachella Style Guide made me feel so strange. I think it's because she seems to take going so seriously. I mean a "Style Guide?" This isn't a trip to Paris, you're traveling to a town who's name sake is a grapefruit.
Whitney writes "For first time Coachella goers, packing can be a painful and confusing experience." What? No! My virginity metaphor was a joke!! It's a music concert. It shouldn't be painful or confusing! Whit, I love you! Stop confirming all my past judgments about Coachella! I don't want you to prove that it's totally not about the music anymore and it's just about what you look like and what VIP tents you can get into.
But then I ask myself why I'm getting so hot and bothered about this? I've never been. Who am I to use phrases like "it's not about the music anymore?" I need to get a life. Or buy a ironic T-shirt that has that printed across the front. Hey, that gives me an idea..