"Over the haul" is the new old

Oh no.

You guys.

Help.

I just made the mistake of watching another haul video.



And just like before, I'm left feeling old, disenchanted and like I might migraine at any second.

What is it with young girls these days and their need to "haul?" Can't they just be happy that they bought some cute shit at the mall? Why do they feel the need to point out very last nuance of their purchase in front of the world? I've never looked at anything I owned and had the desire to point out the "leopard print detailing." Does that mean that I don't truly appreciate the little things in life? Am I too moldy to notice details like the awesomeness of "Love" and "Piiiink" on my basic black hoodie?

And then there's the fact that she went to the Victoria's Secret Semi Annual Sale TWICE IN ONE DAY!!!! If that's not the stamina of youth I don't know what is. I can run a half marathon but any time I step into a Victoria's Secret I become instantly fatigued. Do you think her secret is chia seeds? Is the Pink line carrying them along with body spray and zebra print water bottles?

I think this video is particularly disturbing to me because last night I dragged my poor friend Sarah to this very same sale. After 45 minutes of pushing and pawing through racks of neon bras and thong panties we were both so wrecked that we had to find solace in cappuccinos and a Nutella crepe.

Pretty sure this is how menopause starts.